Today was one of the worst days of my life. I had to let my little guy go. Last week, I brought Harley, my 15-year-old cat to the vets as he had stopped eating. He had also gone from 19 lbs in May of this year to a little over 13 lbs as of last week. I had brought him in September about his weight (which was 16 pounds at that time) but since he had been put on a diet for his weight and since his bloodwork was normal, they thought he was OK but just to keep an eye on him.
I took him off the diet food a few weeks ago as I thought he looked too skinny, except for his belly fat. Last week, when I brought him in, they ran some more blood work and thought he might have cancer as his belly looked bruised looking and was anemic (at this point they were thinking skin cancer, but nothing was positive). They gave him some fluids, antibiotics and steroids and told me to see how he was on Monday. He was scheduled to go in and get an ultrasound tomorrow (Tuesday), but he went downhill very fast over the weekend. I knew this morning that I would need to call in and have him euthanized as he obviously dying (just lying around and having some trouble breathing, though otherwise he did not seem to be in pain).
I had sat up with him for the past two days petting him and talking with him and getting him to drink some water (though he still would not eat food. The last thing he ate was half a jar of meat baby food on Friday, which he'd only eat if I put some on my finger and held up to him for him to lick.) He'd have periods where he'd perk up and be almost normal, albeit weak, but then he would lie around and breathe heavily and I knew I couldn't pretend he was going to get better. His belly had also turned purple and swollen, and his paw pads and the inside of his ears were almost white because of the anemia (normally his paw pads were almost red).
Last night I petted him and he was purring and seemed pretty peaceful. I made him a nest of blankets near my bed and put the space heater on near him and got his favorite toy, as well as his water bowl nearby. I'd wake up and check on him every hour or so to see if needed anything. Sometimes he'd be awake and watching me, and other times he's be lying around breathing heavy. he'd drink the water from the bowl if I put ice cubes in it and brought it closer to him. I know he'd want some water if I saw him looking at the water bowl. I'd grab it for him and put it near him and he'd look at it for a bit and then drink from it. I'd pet him and soothe him while he was like that and he seemed calm. I even slept on the floor beside him for a couple of hours when he seemed like he needed the company. I would have brought him into my bed but he seemed so fragile and I was afraid either my husband or I would roll over on him or disturb him in our sleep.
I was hoping he'd die at home, in familiar surroundings, instead of having to put him in the carrier and drive to the vet's (which always traumatized him). He had gotten so weak I thought the stress of the car ride could kill him. As I was deciding what to do, Harley seemed to faint and I thought he was going. After a few minutes he revived and was almost perky. I called the vet's to see what I should do - bring him in or let him stay in familiar surroundings. It was a judgement call, though the vet said if he was not in any pain then I could leave him.
But soon after he perked up, he started meowing really loudly, with a cry I had never heard from him before. he was obviously in pain. I now felt terrible as I felt I misjudged the situation. He started clawing the floor and arching his back and gasping for air, His whole face grimaced and his teeth bared. Eventually his mouth closed to more normal size, but with his tongue hanging out. He kep gasping loudly but there would be longer and longer pauses between gasps. His eyes were open wide and dilated. A few times I thought he was gone but then he gasped again. Then after a little while of no movement I bent over to him to see if he was still alive. He suddenly gasped again and sat back up and looked around.
At this point I put him in his carrier while he just meowed and tried to struggle, however, once inside the carrier he seemed to calm. My husband called the vets and told them we were coming in. I had my husband drive the car while I sat in the back seat with him. I took the top off his carrier and put my arms around him while he snuggled into me. When we got to the vets they told me his legs were too swollen to give him a catheter so they could inject him with a sedative before they put him to sleep. So I had to say my goodbyes there to him. He was awake and calm and looking around. It broke my heart to leave him in the vet's arms looking after me while I walked away. They carried him away then and they put him to sleep in surgery and gave him a heart stick to stop his heart. It was the only thing they could do for him. Harley left this world around noon on Monday, November 14. 2011.
I feel so terrible. I put some photos below of my buddy over the course of his life. He gave me unconditional love for almost 15 years and I will miss him.
Please click on images to enlarge.
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| 1997 |
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| 1997 |
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| 1997 |
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| 1997 |
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| 1997 (about 5 months old) - chewing on my hair |
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1997- note the red oil paint spot on his ear from getting into my paintings
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| circa 2003? |
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| Circa 2006 or 2007 |
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| April 2011 |
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| circa 2008? |
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| 2009 |
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| 2010 |
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| 2010 |
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| 2010 |
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| May 2011 |
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| April 2011 |
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April 2011
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| April 2011 |
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| April 2011 |
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| April 2011 |
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| 2007 or 2008 |
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| 2008 or 2009? |
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| 2008 or 2009 |
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| 2007 or 2008 |
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| 2009 |
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| October 2011 |
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| October 2011 |
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| October 2011 |
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| October 2011 |
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| November 2011, a few days before he died. |
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| November 2011 |
Comments
His essence lives on, through you!
Wish you well, =^.^=